Welcome to Week 2!
Hi Friend! Welcome back!
How are you feeling today? Refreshed? Excited? Intimidated? Exhausted? Whatever you are feeling, it is right. It is valid. This journey looks different for everyone.
Last week we focused primarily on getting to know our “land” (ie, our lives and ourselves), and envision what can be grown within it.
Shall we recap?
You hold endless potential. Your life holds endless potential. You have everything you already need to be the most wildly creative, radically joyful human being out there. That being said, it is ok to acknowledge this, and still want more. It is ok to be appreciative and still desire growth. That is called vision. There is a big difference between being someone who cannot see the value in their beautiful lives, and someone who has a vision for their most glorious future.
As we continue with the metaphor or play & ground, let’s dig in deeper this week!
This week we will be focusing on weeding & compost, one of my personal favorite topics of creativity (and unfortunately, the part that I think gets the worst reputation).
Let’s first get the worst out of the way: Everything in life, in nature, in the universe dies. Every system will eventually fail. This is the harsh and beautiful reality we live in. This is the spiral-ic quality of life. It must end.
But, there is something glorious in that. There is something inherently beautiful in the beginning and ending of all things. This beauty is twofold:
1) When one thing dies, it becomes compost for the next life. Whether it is our bodies, our plants, our art, etc… the death of one thing means the life of another.
2) We know all things must end/die/fail in one way or another. How beautiful! How glorious! Why you ask? What a relief to know the end of a story…it means we can focus on the center instead.
As we move through our exercises this week, we will be putting all of our energy into creating the most beautiful, nourishing compost for your creative practice. We will take the so called “failures”, the deaths, the traumas, and the endings, and turn them into what I call “spiritual compost”.
We all experience creative loss. Let us mourn these losses, and create something new for the future.
BONUS: CREATING A PLAY PRACTICE
Hi friends! Per your questions, I have added a new section to today’s offerings centered on cultivating a play practice!
First of all, what is a play practice? A play practice is something you (try) to do everyday that is just for you. It cannot be towards any particular product or result (but, may accidentally create beautiful results anyway!) It should be something that brings you joy. It should be something that you would do regardless if you were getting paid.
What are some shoulds/shouldn’ts of play practice?
A play practice…
SHOULD…
be joyful (but might not always feel good, that’s ok)
be unrestricted
remind us of freedom
(can) feel silly
be easy to execute
(can) remind us of our child self
be something you WANT to do
be something you would do everyday if you weren’t getting paid
be unique, or not!
SHOULDN’T…
be product-focused
feel like work
create stress or pressure
be a burden
create hyper-focus
be stagnant
(have to be) the same thing everyday (although it can be)
(doesn’t have to) look like other people’s play practice
A Play Practice is something that is both a tool, and the end result in and of itself. It is both the final product, and the guiding light.
Some prompts to help you develop a play practice…
Write down 5 careers you wish you had. Now, for each activity, write down 1-3 activities for each career that you could implement today…can any of these be something you do everything? (for instance, if I wanted to be an astronaut, can I spend 5 minutes every night watching the stars? Can I create stories about the constellations? Can I draw the constellations everyday that I see? Or, if I wanted to be a film maker, can I take a 30 second video everyday on my iphone that captures me mood?)
Write down 5 activities you loved to do as a child…how can you do this today? Did you love playing in the park? Can you start a collection of leaves that you find and pick up one leaf everyday? Can you add it to a scrap book and write about each leaf? Give it a name? Or, if you loved singing in choir can you find a quiet place outside to sing to yourself for 5 minutes everyday?
Look back at your “map” from last week- what did you notice about your daily activities? Can you take any of those activities and reverse them or making them absurd? Can you eat a meal in a new place everyday and then journal about how it makes you feel? When you write emails can you dance while you type?
Write down 5 creators you admire (can be any medium, food, dance, acting, photo, writing, etc). What about their practices do you admire? Can you imitate those practices in some way? For instance, I love Marina Abramović, can I sit and be present with a different plant for 1 minute everyday then journal about it? Or, one of my favorite dancers is Pina Bausch. Can I turn one of my daily activities (like typing an email) into a 30 second improvised dance?
Can you create a prompt to do one thing everyday? For instance, can you free write about delight everyday (like Ross Gay)? Can you draw one thing that brought you joy everyday? Can you take a photo of one thing that surprised you everyday? Can you share a free dance on instagram everyday (like Marlee Grace)?
This list goes on and on! I hope this helps you cultivate a play practice, and if not, REACH OUT!!! We are all here to help you discover YOUR play practice!
A quick note on ATROPHY: When we were children play felt easy and natural. This is no accident, and there is nothing wrong with you if play feels unnatural now. This is simply because when we were children we played all day/everyday…and thus our “play muscles” were stronger. When you use the same muscle in the body often, it becomes stronger. Using that muscle feels easier. It feels natural. And thus, we must strengthen our play muscle by doing a little everyday!
There is a reason we call it a play PRACTICE. Practice means doing it often, and expanding as time goes on. We practice to get stronger.
Have you ever broken a bone? If so, do you remember getting the cast cut off? I do…my arm was small and weak, shriveled and pale. I hadn’t used my arm in 8 weeks, and the muscles had begun to atrophy. The body is smart…we only use the energy we need. If we sense that something has become vestigial we will allow it to weaken and send energy elsewhere. Likewise, as we have grown and given our attention to more “productive” activities, we have sent our energy to “the grind” (ie, our jobs, work, caring for others, etc) and allowed our creative muscles to atrophy.
But the beginning of atrophy doesn’t necessarily mean death. We can strengthen these muscles everyday. Like the first run after a long break, it may feel challenging, even painful at first. But with each day, it will become easier, more natural, second nature.
So give yourself the grace and patience today to exercise practice within your play. If it feels hard, that’s ok. If you are intimidated, that is also ok. Just try…a little everyday. You will get stronger. Play will become easier, until it is simply that- ease. Let’s find ease together!
Week 2- Unit 1
Today, we are going to be working in reverse! Let’s start with a journal exercise.
JOURNAL PROMPTS
Pick three creatives (or anyone, really!) that really, really annoy you. Why do they annoy you? What bothers you the most about them? Get specific! What are their flaws? If you went out to dinner with them, what might you tell a friend about the interaction the next day?
Pick three creatives you admire deeply. Why do you admire them? What qualities most stand out? What are their greatest strengths? If you went out to dinner with them, what might you tell a friend about the interaction the next day?
Circle adjectives or words that stand out to you. Make two lists, label one as “dark” and the other as “light”. List the words you circled in either category, the dark pertaining to the “annoying” characteristics, the light pertaining to the “admired” characteristics.
Great job! Ok, let’s dive in.
Believe it or not, BOTH lists are YOU. Sound crazy? Try this on for size…
According to psychologists, when we criticize or compliment, we are mainly doing so from a perspective of what we know and are. We cannot speak to anyone’s compassion without having a deep, thorough understanding of what compassion is, and what compassion looks like. Likewise, we cannot criticize someone as pompous without having a deep and personal understanding of feeling self-important, often from a place of insecurity.
Neither the light nor dark are inherently bad nor good. If you were to research actual fertilizer, you would find a balance of several different chemical compounds, which, in varying quantities could either help, hinder, or even kill your plants. Nitrogen is one of the most important nutrients in soil, but too much nitrogen can be deadly, leading to nitrogen toxicity.
Our light & dark sides are our fertilizer. When we are able to recognize our dark side (or “shadow” self), we are able to have a more whole view of ourselves, allowing creativity to flow more freely. For instance, if I recognize (and this is coming from a deeply personal place here!) my own need to demonstrate self importance, often from a place of insecurity, I can begin to build in systems of self recognition into my creative practice in order to balance this. I also know that in being pompous, I am incredibly comfortable being in front of crowds, leading groups, and being “front and center”. There is nothing wrong with this, as long as I bring a sense of mindfulness and awareness to the quality.
Likewise, our “light” sides need balance. Compassion, from my earlier example, is beautiful in mindful amounts. Too much, and we can become codependent. I have certainly found this true of myself!
So, let’s build our fertilizer! Let’s build the perfect mixture of both light and dark. Try going back through your light and dark lists and writing out how you balance them to be the best fertilizer for your creative practice.
ADDITIONAL JOURNAL PROMPT
Write a recipe for your creative fertilizer! Feel free to make it any format, I personally like to write mine like a recipe!
Example: Using a base of deep compassion, mix in a small scoop of leadership and determination. Make sure to use a leveled spoon when adding the determination, as the mix can easily turn to obsession if added with a heavy hand. Mix completely and set half aside. In a separate bowl, add a generous scoop of whimsy and a dash of recklessness. Adding a pinch of existential dread can level out the sweetness of the whimsy, but be careful not to add too much! Add a large scoop of social justice to both bowls, and allow to sit. When approaching any creative project, add one scoop of each to your creative soil and allow to sit for 1 hour meditating before baking.
HOMEWORK
Let’s check in on your Play Practice! How’s it going? Are you finding it easy? Challenging?
Let’s take that play practice one step further. If you are finding it too difficult to do everyday, are there any changes you can make make to find greater ease in the process?
If you are finding it easy to do everyday, let’s dive in deeper. Does your process remind you of another artist? Maker? Is there an element of it that feels connected to someone? Try consuming some media this week that might inform your play practice, and incorporating one element of it!
Example: If I was dancing everyday, maybe I would watch the Pina Bausch documentary and gather inspiration from her, maybe utilizing one of her dance moves. If I was baking everyday, perhaps I would watch old Julia Child videos and incorporate her absolute joy into your practice! Having trouble figuring out what to do? Reach out to the group for support!
Week 2- Unit 2
Howdy friend! How are you feeling today? Take a moment to notice if how you are feeling in your body. Sometimes getting real about our light/dark sides can be painful, it can expose parts of ourselves that it might be difficult to see reflected back. This is normal, and a healthy amount of denial is normal too. Wherever you are at is valid.
As we continue to build and prepare our creative gardens, we will stick with the idea of fertilizer, however, today we will be looking at compost. When I think about compost, I first think of death. In order to create the nourishment one needs to grow, something must first die, giving its life to decomposition. This is a beautiful process, but one that can feel raw and sometimes painful.
Being human is hard, there is no denying this. We carry so very much everyday- things that were said to us, experiences we have had, failures, loss, and grief. We carry these experiences in our body, often tending to a dying thing that needs to be released. I carry these dying things too, trying to nurse them back to health, or rather, nurse myself so that these things can feel lighter in my heart.
But a dying thing is soon a dead thing, and dead weight is the heaviest of all. We must relieve ourselves of this weight. These experiences we carry are too heavy to hold, and there is no shame in releasing that which is too heavy to carry forever. We must allow nature to do her beautiful work.
So today we turn towards these natural processes. What are we carrying? What can we let go of? What can become compost for our own transformation?
As we begin to look at what we want to release in our lives, we must also see the duality of how these experiences can be the very stuff that helps us grow into our fullest, most radically joyful self! Today we are going to take a look at our past experiences creatively- what is holding us back? What is weighing us down? How can we release these experiences so that we can continue to move forward in our lives, unburdened and untethered?
JOURNAL PROMPTS
The below journal prompts may be triggering for some, so be gentle with yourself. If you need to take a break, engage in self care, or disengage from the activity, please trust your body and heart!
The following questions are yours to answer as fully, or as briefly, as you would like. Answer questions that are relevant, and skip those that are not. Take note of those that ring particularly true, or those that you feel an avoidance to. Why might that be?
Write the story you are telling yourself in regard to your inability to be happy, creative, or abundant.
List anything that has been said or done to you, either explicitly or implicitly, by family that has discouraged you from pursuing a life of creativity and joy.
List anything that has been said or done to you, either explicitly or implicitly, by friends that has discouraged you from pursuing a life of creativity and joy.
List anything that has been said or done to you, either explicitly or implicitly, by society that has discouraged you from pursuing a life of creativity and joy.
List experiences that have created a negative perspective on the arts, creativity, or joyful expression.
List creative failures you have endured.
List creative disappointments you have endured.
When I say “creative guilt”, what comes to mind?
When I say “creative shame”, what comes to mind?
What were you taught, either explicitly or implicitly, about the arts?
How might family or ancestral trauma play a role in your pursuit of creativity and joy?
What are you still holding? What are you still carrying?
HOMEWORK
Give yourself a big hug for getting through those journal prompts- that is no easy feat! So we have gathered up our “dead things”, that which no longer serves us, and now…we must release so that we can allow for our own inner transformation and growth. We must create creative and spiritual compost.
Before we move straight into the decomposition, I encourage you to choose one or more of the following items to help these emotions “move through you” so to speak.
Create an improvisational art piece (painting, dance, speech, piece of music, monologue, etc) that expresses the emotions held in the above journal entry. FEEL the emotions moving through your body. Allow these emotions, like a wave, to surge, crescendo, and lessen. When we allow emotions to be released from our body, we release narratives from our mind.
Move, item by item, through your list and have a good argument with yourself! Pretend you are in a debate and allow yourself to write all the reasons why a) this idea is no longer valid and/or b) why this idea no longer serves you.
Write a letter to the “speaker”- this may be a letter to a family member, friend, society, or self. You have permission to release any emotion that you need to release. Give permission to the speaker to leave, and allow yourself permission to let go.
Write a letter as if it was written by a personal leader or companion (such as a teacher, guide, mentor, or friend) that you trust fully and completely. If they were to read this list, what would they say?
NOW, time to let go.
Make sure the following is done in a FIRESAFE environment!
Grab a caldron, pot, metal bowl, or anything fireproof. Add a few inches of water to the vessel.
Take your pages out of your journal, and either rip them into tiny pieces, or into individual points and thoughts.
You have the choice of burning the pieces of paper individually, or as a whole.
Light the “burden” on fire. Breathe into this moment, feeling the weight releasing from your body as each idea turns to ash. When it has burned almost completely, drop the paper into the pot.
Continue to do this for each piece, thought, or idea. Consider incorporating a mantra such as “I no longer am held by this.” “I release you”. “I am free” etc. Really concentrate on each piece, and see the fire burning these ideas into ash.
This part may need a little prep! Either dig a hole near a tree of your choosing, or dig a hole in a plant’s base (indoors or outdoors is fine!) My preference is for an old, wise tree, but choose something that resonates with you.
Bring your mixture of water and ash to this hole, and fill it, knowing that these ashes will no become compost for your own journey, and that of this plant/organism.
Consider incorporating a prayer, mantra, or poem in this process. I have written one below if you would like to use it!
You have now created a physical manifestation of your spiritual compost! When in doubt, return to this plant. See its growth, any new leaves, buds, etc, as a sign that you are continuing to grow each and every day. Your life grows from your own creative and spiritual compost.
A PRAYER FOR SPIRITUAL COMPOST
Spirit and Divine, I sit here before you laden with the weight of past experiences. I hold heartbreak, disappointment, disapproval, and disaster. I hold grief, and I hold loss. I hold guilt and shame, and the shame of guilt. I hold words from the family mind, and the words of the societal mind. I bear the weight of ancestral trauma, and the weight of future dreams. I carry a heavy load.
But I am here today to ask for release. I ask for unburdening and untethering. I ask for peace in my mind, and peace in my heart.
As I sit here, I release my past.
I release my heartbreak, I release disappointment, disapproval and disaster.
These experiences no longer serve me. And I am no servant to them.
I release the pain of grief, and the trauma of loss.
I allow myself to release guilt, and release shame.
I know that the family mind, societal view, hold me no longer.
I release ancestral trauma, and know that in my releasing I release them from their own pain.
I am no longer burdened, but buoyed by future dreams.
I sit here, unburdened and untethered by my past. I allow what I release to die, to transform, and for the rot to become the very stuff that grows joy, peace, and grace.
As I release, I create a space, a well to be filled.
I allow my heartbreak to transform into love, for one’s heart cannot break without first knowing the beauty of deep and true love.
I allow disappointment to transform into transform into empathy and understanding. I hold my inner child close, and whisper words of affirmation.
I allow pain to transform into healing, for in our pain we see our humanity. I allow loss to create space, for one cannot fill a cup that is full, and this space now allows in abundance.
I forgive the family mind, and I release the societal hold. I am my own being, and my mind and heart are mine alone.
I release ancestral trauma, and know that my healing is their healing. When I heal myself, I heal my ancestors.
I release the grip of the future, and bring myself into this present moment, because the future is now.
And the future is now.
And the future is now.
Spirit and divine, please take these ashes, transforming them into the most beautiful soil, from which all things grow.
And so shall I grow.
LIVE CLASS
Welcome to Day 3! I hope you are finding some ease after your day of compost.
For today’s live class please come prepared in movement-appropriate clothing (whatever that means for you!) as well as the following…
What is one story you are telling yourself that is preventing you from being the most radically joyful, creative human imaginable?
See you in class!